D3 body, D1 cock
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
