So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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