first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Randomize
