My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
