here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
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Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
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