it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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