What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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