i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
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GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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