he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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