Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
