i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
