pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
