so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Randomize
