Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
