too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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