He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
