We're facebook friends in real life
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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