woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
