My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
