Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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