Only a mothe r could love this liver
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
