i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
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Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
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George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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