well I can't set my house on fire every night
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
