i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I need a beard to bite.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
