I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Randomize
