it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
3 2 1 whiskey
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
