So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
