Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
