im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
