he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
