i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize