this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
