But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Can I color on your dick again?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Randomize
