The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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