Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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