It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
you didnt know i had herpes?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
