She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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