Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
