I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
