Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
