The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
