I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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