i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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