Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
