Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
