Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
