Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Randomize
