i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize