after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
