apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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