sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
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How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
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Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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