THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
