I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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