Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
