Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
