I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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