you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
