Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
