I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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