Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
