Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
