You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
