Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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