Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
