i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
