I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
