now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
