Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
