dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
