The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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